Post by Twîtch on Nov 9, 2010 13:43:51 GMT -5
The Raid-
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.
The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Mr. Mic-less - Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact that melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.
The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy/gal and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, she/he’s out. Not a stoner. Will also afk while people run back from a wipe and then demand a rez.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.
The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.
Note: I read a similar archetype post couple years ago, when I first started raiding. I t altered the way I viewed raiding forever after and I've tended to think of my guildies along these terms since. If anyone still has the original piece, please post it. Below is the only person really remember from that post. I'm pretty sure there's something funny about accents in the original, also.
The Backup -He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The best from posts below:
The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them. (Kantor, Scarlet Crusade)
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror. (Gaucho, Twisting Nether)
is also sometimes
The ALTist
Argues strenuously that virtually every piece of loot should go to him for one of his 394 alts. He completely fails to comprehend the idea that one of the mains on the actual run might be somewhat more deserving.
or
Flip-Flopper - can never make up his mind what he wants to be, whether it's spec or even class. He'll show up to your raid as a Fire Mage one day, then the next day say he's trying out a Frost raid spec. In a week, he'll say that he's tired of being a Mage and trade his account with someone who has a Hunter. Give him two more weeks and he'll be back on his Mage account, but leveling a Warrior alt because that's what he REALLY wants to play. Only he's not quite sure if he wants to be DW Fury or 2H Arms, but then again Prot looks useful, too..
not to be confused with
The Alt Maniac - He has more 70s than your guild has healers. He may, in fact, have multiple 70s of the same class, "just so I don't have to be constantly respec'ing." These alts may or may not have better gear than you, depending on what your guild is doing, but all have a respectable level of gear - especially for alts.
Despite his intense love for his alts, he rarely seems to do anything with them other than wander around various cities or zones and perhaps grind a bit. Almost every time you're online, no matter the hour or day, you can count on him being online, and quite likely leveling a new alt. Will frequently post links to the EJ forums discussions on increasing raid performance with a specific class, because he obsessively researches each of his alts' roles even though he'll likely never even ask for them to be taken to the raid.
You quietly wonder if he's ever left his desk, or is in fact grafted to a laptop. Can be counted on to perform his tasks in raid at a respectable level, rarely doing poorly and sometimes leaving his class counterparts in the dust (and will always attribute said performance to reading the EJ forums, passive-aggressively suggesting that everyone else should be doing the same). Strong likelihood he has been "grandfathered" into the officer corps. Gets along with everyone because he's not quite pushy enough about his constant advice on improving your performance.
Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know? (Jayne, Mug'thol)
The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target. (Zanadune, Vek'nilash)
The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks you need spoonfeeding. Sadly, you wipe a lot when he's not in the raid or online.
The Vagininja
A notorious ninja ("Sorry, I have it set to auto loot and forgot to turn it off") but also female, so no one ever calls her on it cos she obviously doesn't know the game that well and might get upset…despite the fact she plays 14 hours a day, has been in since Beta, and was head-to-toe purples when everyone else was still in greens.
The Escape Artist
Apologizes profusely for having to drop from a raid half way through but he just has to go and he's really, really sorry. Only afterwards do you realize he ****ed off with half the raid's shards and loot.
[ Post edited by Boraxe ]
Pointdexter - He has the game down to a science. He may be a 40-year-old accountant with the free time of a 15-year-old student, or a 15-year-old student with the focus of a 40-year-old accountant. Drools over spreadsheets, calculates the group's overall DPS and efficiency and how it can be improved down to the smallest stat bonus. Spends his days on WorldofRaids and the Elitist Jerks forums looking at all the numbercrunching and posts everything on your own guild forums. Certainly an asset to the raid, but damn he needs a hobby.
Hair Trigger - He means well. Really, he does. Most of the time, he's likable, knows how to play his class, shows up on time, well prepared, and ready to work hard. He knows the strats, knows his role, and 75% of the time is a pleasure to have in the raid. Unfortunately, he's also got a very short fuse, and if something goes wrong or somebody screws up, he'll set off with enough RAGE to keep your Warriors happy for a week. "How the hell could you screw that up?" "Don't you know what the hell you're doing?" "Jesus Christ, could you please NOT suck next time? Can we get somebody goddamn competent in here, dammit?" Causes a good share of drama, frequently butts heads with the officers (especially the Negative Officer), and prone to /gquitting in a fit of anger before simmering down and humbly requesting a re-invite.
The Avatar
He's been in your guild since before you can remember and you've seen him raid maybe twice, but for some reason, this guy outgears the rest of your guildies by a tier. If you're in Kara, he's wearing gear from Kael'thas. If you're on Kael'thas, he's got gear from Illidan. If you're attempting Illidan there are no more upgrades for him in the game. He'll hit 15% of your total raid dps in a 25 man instance, or heal your main tank without dropping below 70% mana. And he'll let you know how bored he is the entire time.
The Baggage
He's not bad per se, but he isn't good. The only reason he's still getting raid invites is because some vital raid member refuses to raid without him. Maybe he's family, maybe he's just a friend, but it's not his leet dps that you drag him along for. Usually knows he has a guaranteed slot because of his connections, and feels free to use that at every opportunity.
The kid with ADHD: Night elf hunter or undead rogue. This kid is spastic, while the raid is drinking, he's jumping around like a moron, running in circles, and setting off fireworks. If that wasn't bad enough, he's on vent complaining that the raid isn't moving fast enough, even though he's not prepared for the next pull either. All of that might be tolerable if his constant antics didn't also involve falling into the lava and aggroing every mob in a 100 yard range.
The Hax0r - When he plays he's extremely good, but his heart is just not in it. Very often you'll see him shooting off in some random direction on the minimap followed 5minutes later by "hey when you fly up here there's a whole different level! I wonder what Blizz was goign to do wiht this"? When the mob starts to Evade, you know the first person you go to blame. He ends chat wit htradmark symbols, and posts daily messages in different colors. His entire GUI is custom written.
The Rich Bastard: He has every expensive vanity item gold can buy. His main and all 3 of his alts have their epic flying mounts. He is also a hardcore raider that shows up early to summon and is completely flasked before the first pull (even for alt runs). You have no earthly idea how he gets his gold and very rarely admits to ebaying it. Usually an officer or class leader.
The Instigator- This person lives to bring down once happy guilds through well timed whispers and in game mail. No insult ,real or imaginary goes unnoticed and he is more than willing to explain just what what was said about you or another player in great detail just in case you missed it. This guy usually has some sort of master plan to bring down the guild leader and his officers or wants you to quit the guild and join his guild, the one he plans to make. You might as well join his guild right? Since everyone in your current guild hates you, at least that what The Instigator would have you believe.
The Perv - Takes anything and everything said and twists it into an innuendo, some more subtle than others. His mind resides firmly in the gutter and what few minds weren't there before he spoke create an almost audible splash when they hit it and hit it hard. Source of much entertainment, especially late at night or when drunk, as long as he doesn't carry things too far. Keep away from the Kid and the Other Kid or you may lose them to parental aggro.
Mr. Barry White Voice: This guy's voice is low, like Barry White low, like scary pedo low, he doesn't talk often but when he does, it seems all the female members seem to have the incessant need to comment on how his voice sounds. Generally plays a Rogue, Warrior, or Priest.
The Wonder Twins-
Usually male/female duo, may or may not know each other IRL, have been playing together a long time and as such generally play as synergistic classes (shadow priest + warlock, feral druid +enhancement shaman, etc..) ALWAYS log on at the same time, almost always log off at the same time, inseparable, usually pretty decent players for some reason. Tend to disappear suddenly to reroll new classes.
are also sometimes:
Couples that game together: They would always try to get their significant other loot, saying that one person with higher DKP than their BF/GF shouldn't get an item and that it should go to their BF/GF. The girlfriends often sucked at their classes and whenever you pointed that out, you'd have their loser boyfriend defending them. If you piss off one, you’ve pissed them both off and either will not hesitate to let you know that if one /gquits the other will follow.
Captain AFK: In between pulls goes “afk a min” for a smoke break, bio break , check on the kids, phone, door. That min turns into 20 mins before finally their toon auto logs out of the game. When they come back, its usually with half assed apologies about “RL being more important than a game”. The pulls from the front door of Kara to Attumen without this person can run about 30 mins, when Captain AFK shows up,it’s a 2 hour event. You die a little inside now anytime you hear the words “hey, I gotta take a quick AFK”. Is usually an off tank or off healer.
The Grandparent: Worse than The Kid, is the senior citizen who plays. He or she started to have something in common with the grandkids , but ended up loving it so much they stayed well after ADD set in with the kid and they moved on to God of War. You’ll end up finding a nice spot as this Barney Fife of WoW Players bumbles his way through ICC, cheerfully pulling extra mobs or breaking CC’d mobs. Or worse, Tank goes AFK, and you’re trying to figure out who’s running towards Festergut only to hear “oh wow guys! he’s really really ugly!”
The Aging Flirt: Usually seen on RP realms, this cougar lets you know she’s a lot older than the guys who play WoW , and that she has a lot of experience. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cringe as some terrorized male shows you screen shots of her naughty whispers or when she’s /dance naked on the North Bank steps. If you /join hotolderlady you’ll see her along with a few of her favorites who are blissfully unaware she’s fixing to collect social security any minute now.
The Girl Player Who Lets You Know She’s a Girl Player: Has to be sure to talk and giggle a lot in Vent to let you know, she’s a real girl. Should one of her real girl friends join the raid, they’ll drive the women insane with their antics and attempts to “tease” the male members of raid. She will stand in the fire every time, she will be one of the first two to die every time , but “oh my god guys!!! –teeheehee- I forgot this was a tricky pull!”. The women in your run will spend the rest of the raid in your whispers threatening dire consequences if you try to bring her along ever again. If you’re lucky, one of them will snap and a catfight will ensue in Vent or in raid chat. And it will be worth holding up the raid for.
forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=4665317893&sid=1
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.
The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Mr. Mic-less - Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"
The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact that melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.
The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy/gal and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, she/he’s out. Not a stoner. Will also afk while people run back from a wipe and then demand a rez.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.
The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.
The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.
Note: I read a similar archetype post couple years ago, when I first started raiding. I t altered the way I viewed raiding forever after and I've tended to think of my guildies along these terms since. If anyone still has the original piece, please post it. Below is the only person really remember from that post. I'm pretty sure there's something funny about accents in the original, also.
The Backup -He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The best from posts below:
The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them. (Kantor, Scarlet Crusade)
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror. (Gaucho, Twisting Nether)
is also sometimes
The ALTist
Argues strenuously that virtually every piece of loot should go to him for one of his 394 alts. He completely fails to comprehend the idea that one of the mains on the actual run might be somewhat more deserving.
or
Flip-Flopper - can never make up his mind what he wants to be, whether it's spec or even class. He'll show up to your raid as a Fire Mage one day, then the next day say he's trying out a Frost raid spec. In a week, he'll say that he's tired of being a Mage and trade his account with someone who has a Hunter. Give him two more weeks and he'll be back on his Mage account, but leveling a Warrior alt because that's what he REALLY wants to play. Only he's not quite sure if he wants to be DW Fury or 2H Arms, but then again Prot looks useful, too..
not to be confused with
The Alt Maniac - He has more 70s than your guild has healers. He may, in fact, have multiple 70s of the same class, "just so I don't have to be constantly respec'ing." These alts may or may not have better gear than you, depending on what your guild is doing, but all have a respectable level of gear - especially for alts.
Despite his intense love for his alts, he rarely seems to do anything with them other than wander around various cities or zones and perhaps grind a bit. Almost every time you're online, no matter the hour or day, you can count on him being online, and quite likely leveling a new alt. Will frequently post links to the EJ forums discussions on increasing raid performance with a specific class, because he obsessively researches each of his alts' roles even though he'll likely never even ask for them to be taken to the raid.
You quietly wonder if he's ever left his desk, or is in fact grafted to a laptop. Can be counted on to perform his tasks in raid at a respectable level, rarely doing poorly and sometimes leaving his class counterparts in the dust (and will always attribute said performance to reading the EJ forums, passive-aggressively suggesting that everyone else should be doing the same). Strong likelihood he has been "grandfathered" into the officer corps. Gets along with everyone because he's not quite pushy enough about his constant advice on improving your performance.
Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know? (Jayne, Mug'thol)
The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target. (Zanadune, Vek'nilash)
The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks you need spoonfeeding. Sadly, you wipe a lot when he's not in the raid or online.
The Vagininja
A notorious ninja ("Sorry, I have it set to auto loot and forgot to turn it off") but also female, so no one ever calls her on it cos she obviously doesn't know the game that well and might get upset…despite the fact she plays 14 hours a day, has been in since Beta, and was head-to-toe purples when everyone else was still in greens.
The Escape Artist
Apologizes profusely for having to drop from a raid half way through but he just has to go and he's really, really sorry. Only afterwards do you realize he ****ed off with half the raid's shards and loot.
[ Post edited by Boraxe ]
Pointdexter - He has the game down to a science. He may be a 40-year-old accountant with the free time of a 15-year-old student, or a 15-year-old student with the focus of a 40-year-old accountant. Drools over spreadsheets, calculates the group's overall DPS and efficiency and how it can be improved down to the smallest stat bonus. Spends his days on WorldofRaids and the Elitist Jerks forums looking at all the numbercrunching and posts everything on your own guild forums. Certainly an asset to the raid, but damn he needs a hobby.
Hair Trigger - He means well. Really, he does. Most of the time, he's likable, knows how to play his class, shows up on time, well prepared, and ready to work hard. He knows the strats, knows his role, and 75% of the time is a pleasure to have in the raid. Unfortunately, he's also got a very short fuse, and if something goes wrong or somebody screws up, he'll set off with enough RAGE to keep your Warriors happy for a week. "How the hell could you screw that up?" "Don't you know what the hell you're doing?" "Jesus Christ, could you please NOT suck next time? Can we get somebody goddamn competent in here, dammit?" Causes a good share of drama, frequently butts heads with the officers (especially the Negative Officer), and prone to /gquitting in a fit of anger before simmering down and humbly requesting a re-invite.
The Avatar
He's been in your guild since before you can remember and you've seen him raid maybe twice, but for some reason, this guy outgears the rest of your guildies by a tier. If you're in Kara, he's wearing gear from Kael'thas. If you're on Kael'thas, he's got gear from Illidan. If you're attempting Illidan there are no more upgrades for him in the game. He'll hit 15% of your total raid dps in a 25 man instance, or heal your main tank without dropping below 70% mana. And he'll let you know how bored he is the entire time.
The Baggage
He's not bad per se, but he isn't good. The only reason he's still getting raid invites is because some vital raid member refuses to raid without him. Maybe he's family, maybe he's just a friend, but it's not his leet dps that you drag him along for. Usually knows he has a guaranteed slot because of his connections, and feels free to use that at every opportunity.
The kid with ADHD: Night elf hunter or undead rogue. This kid is spastic, while the raid is drinking, he's jumping around like a moron, running in circles, and setting off fireworks. If that wasn't bad enough, he's on vent complaining that the raid isn't moving fast enough, even though he's not prepared for the next pull either. All of that might be tolerable if his constant antics didn't also involve falling into the lava and aggroing every mob in a 100 yard range.
The Hax0r - When he plays he's extremely good, but his heart is just not in it. Very often you'll see him shooting off in some random direction on the minimap followed 5minutes later by "hey when you fly up here there's a whole different level! I wonder what Blizz was goign to do wiht this"? When the mob starts to Evade, you know the first person you go to blame. He ends chat wit htradmark symbols, and posts daily messages in different colors. His entire GUI is custom written.
The Rich Bastard: He has every expensive vanity item gold can buy. His main and all 3 of his alts have their epic flying mounts. He is also a hardcore raider that shows up early to summon and is completely flasked before the first pull (even for alt runs). You have no earthly idea how he gets his gold and very rarely admits to ebaying it. Usually an officer or class leader.
The Instigator- This person lives to bring down once happy guilds through well timed whispers and in game mail. No insult ,real or imaginary goes unnoticed and he is more than willing to explain just what what was said about you or another player in great detail just in case you missed it. This guy usually has some sort of master plan to bring down the guild leader and his officers or wants you to quit the guild and join his guild, the one he plans to make. You might as well join his guild right? Since everyone in your current guild hates you, at least that what The Instigator would have you believe.
The Perv - Takes anything and everything said and twists it into an innuendo, some more subtle than others. His mind resides firmly in the gutter and what few minds weren't there before he spoke create an almost audible splash when they hit it and hit it hard. Source of much entertainment, especially late at night or when drunk, as long as he doesn't carry things too far. Keep away from the Kid and the Other Kid or you may lose them to parental aggro.
Mr. Barry White Voice: This guy's voice is low, like Barry White low, like scary pedo low, he doesn't talk often but when he does, it seems all the female members seem to have the incessant need to comment on how his voice sounds. Generally plays a Rogue, Warrior, or Priest.
The Wonder Twins-
Usually male/female duo, may or may not know each other IRL, have been playing together a long time and as such generally play as synergistic classes (shadow priest + warlock, feral druid +enhancement shaman, etc..) ALWAYS log on at the same time, almost always log off at the same time, inseparable, usually pretty decent players for some reason. Tend to disappear suddenly to reroll new classes.
are also sometimes:
Couples that game together: They would always try to get their significant other loot, saying that one person with higher DKP than their BF/GF shouldn't get an item and that it should go to their BF/GF. The girlfriends often sucked at their classes and whenever you pointed that out, you'd have their loser boyfriend defending them. If you piss off one, you’ve pissed them both off and either will not hesitate to let you know that if one /gquits the other will follow.
Captain AFK: In between pulls goes “afk a min” for a smoke break, bio break , check on the kids, phone, door. That min turns into 20 mins before finally their toon auto logs out of the game. When they come back, its usually with half assed apologies about “RL being more important than a game”. The pulls from the front door of Kara to Attumen without this person can run about 30 mins, when Captain AFK shows up,it’s a 2 hour event. You die a little inside now anytime you hear the words “hey, I gotta take a quick AFK”. Is usually an off tank or off healer.
The Grandparent: Worse than The Kid, is the senior citizen who plays. He or she started to have something in common with the grandkids , but ended up loving it so much they stayed well after ADD set in with the kid and they moved on to God of War. You’ll end up finding a nice spot as this Barney Fife of WoW Players bumbles his way through ICC, cheerfully pulling extra mobs or breaking CC’d mobs. Or worse, Tank goes AFK, and you’re trying to figure out who’s running towards Festergut only to hear “oh wow guys! he’s really really ugly!”
The Aging Flirt: Usually seen on RP realms, this cougar lets you know she’s a lot older than the guys who play WoW , and that she has a lot of experience. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cringe as some terrorized male shows you screen shots of her naughty whispers or when she’s /dance naked on the North Bank steps. If you /join hotolderlady you’ll see her along with a few of her favorites who are blissfully unaware she’s fixing to collect social security any minute now.
The Girl Player Who Lets You Know She’s a Girl Player: Has to be sure to talk and giggle a lot in Vent to let you know, she’s a real girl. Should one of her real girl friends join the raid, they’ll drive the women insane with their antics and attempts to “tease” the male members of raid. She will stand in the fire every time, she will be one of the first two to die every time , but “oh my god guys!!! –teeheehee- I forgot this was a tricky pull!”. The women in your run will spend the rest of the raid in your whispers threatening dire consequences if you try to bring her along ever again. If you’re lucky, one of them will snap and a catfight will ensue in Vent or in raid chat. And it will be worth holding up the raid for.
forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=4665317893&sid=1
